Naruto Crack
by JMC0124
Summary: A CrossFicCrack Script, mostly with Naruto and a bit of HunterXHunter, Mostly nonsense, Totally random and More or Less Funny... Rated M for languages and sexual hints... Slight Sasunaru inside...


**© 2010 JMC0124**

**Hey I just decided to make another one-shot, and by next week, I'll do another one, and if Im free, I'll update "Letters Revisited", so that would be my schedule.**

**About this? This is script type style, well, I tried to make this the normal one, but it just didn't fit, so I decided to make it like a script.**

**Disclaimer**: Naruto is drawn and written by a talented manga artist Masashi Kishimoto. (Someone I really have no Idea is) and the other plot, I got it from him, I just revised a part of it since I really wanted to…

**Rating: **Anyone above 17(Not good with ratings)

**Chapter 132: Don't Trust Bedtime Stories**

(The title has no relation with the story)

A Sasunaru? FanFiction

This starts at during the first part of Naruto, during the chunnin exam when the sand and Orochimaru suddenly attacked the leaf; then more specifically, this is the part when Sasuke battled Gaara(in almost shukaku form) and got defeated

Naruto, the most likely hero, suddenly appeared just in time when Sakura and Sasuke were already beat up by Gaara(in almost shukaku form).

Naruto: Im here now!… _*Looks at tied up Sakura and unconscious Sasuke*_ I came late didn't I? Damn it! I shouldn't have had a stopped over at Mcdonalds, shit, now Im too late; I wanted to see the face on Sasuke when he got defeated, hahahaha!

Gaara: I'll both kill them soon, and so will you…

Naruto: Whoah! Is that a monster? So ugly! Seriously, Kishimito has no sense in monsters at all… _*Sigh*_

Gaara: Shut up brat or else I'll kill you!

Naruto: But you're going to kill me whether I shut up or not!

Gaara: Oh yeah! _*Silence*_ Then prepare to die! Sand Shuriken!

Gaara then threw multiple sand shaped-shuriken at the direction of Naruto.

Naruto: No wait! Im way too sexy to die! _*Dodge*_ and was about to run away.

Gaara: If you don't fight back, I'll kill this girl with the annoying pink hair!

Naruto: Oh sure, go ahead, I don't really care… She rejected me anyway…

Gaara: What! I thought she's your friends, won't you save her…

Naruto: Nahhh, too bothersome… How about you go out with her? Since she has monstrous strength and you _*Looks at Gaara intently*_ well you look like a monster… you both suit each other perfectly…

Gaara: Damn you! Are you trying to piss me off!

Naruto: Of course not! If I was trying to insult you; I would've said that you look good together since both of your foreheads are… HUGE!

Gaara: What the!

Naruto: Well… _*Walks a bit then started to poke the unconscious Sasuke who was lying on one of the branches*_ where was I? Oh yeah, about your forehead, just look at it, you can even write Kanji on your forehead, it's definitely HUGE!

Gaara: Damn, that's it, you are gonna die in a painful way! Mugensain Daitoppa!

Gaara then blows a mixed of strong wind with sands on all of the area; after the jutsu…

Naruto: Shit! I think I have sand in my eyes… Can you blow it off…

Gaara: …

Naruto: oh no thanks, it gone now… NOW, I'll counter you, Kagebunshin No Jutsu!

A cloud of smoke was created and one by one, Naruto came out and started to successfully attack Gaara…

Gaara: ughhh… I won't be defeated, I'll kill you! _*Slowly transform into Shukaku*_

Naruto: This is bad, I have no match for something that ugly…

Shukaku: _*Stares evilly at Naruto*_

Naruto: Oh, sorry, I mean, I have no match for something that powerful…

Shukaku: Good… now _*Shouts*_ Im Shukaku, one of the tailed-beast, fear me and I shall kill you… mwahahaha!

Naruto: Hmmm… _*thinks for a while*_ So if I get your logic correctly, you'll kill us if we fear you? So does that mean is we don't fear you, then you won't kill us…

Shukaku: _*Sigh*_ You're stupid aren't you… nevermind… I'll just kill you and everyone…

Naruto: What should I d- _*Blushed*_ Is someone squeezing my ass? _*Turns around*_ Sasuke you're alive! And why the fucking hell are you touching my ass? _*Tried to smash Sasuke with a baseball bat*_

Sasuke: _*Evaded*_ Damn it Dobe! I just needed some inspiration so I could fight, what's wrong with using your ass as my inspiration?

Naruto: Everything! _*Tries again to hit Sasuke with a baseball bat*_ Damn you!

Sasuke: _*Evades*_ Where the heck did you get that? Before I became unconscious, "Naruto" was about ninjas… why the heck did this anime became suddenly about Baseball…

Shukaku: _*Shouts*_ Im gonna kill you all _*Naruto and Sasuke forgot about him that's why he needed to shout*_

Sasuke: Fucking Fuck of all fuckers that fuck! What's that fucking monster?

Naruto: Oh that's a dinosaur, he was revived from artificial life activating process through the use of solar-to-life regeneration machine…

Sasuke: What the! And Naruto, my "What the!" represents two things, first, is because you just said that that thing was a dinosaur, second reason, because you just said scientific terms without your brain melting…

Naruto: Tsk…

Shukaku: Bastards! Im not a freaking Dinosaur, Im-

Naruto: A giant Koala! Yehey! I've always wanted to see those…

Shukaku: _*Sigh*_ My head hurts… Im Shukaku you moron!

Sasuke: What the fucking fucker fuckology fuck fuck FUCK is a Shukaku?

Naruto: Oh, that's Gaara… he… well, transformed into that hideous monster… and could you stop using the F-word, its making me nauseous…

Sasuke: Well, I never told you to stop your stupid "Dattebayo" have I? So fuck someone else's vocabulary you fuckable stupid blond dobe that I'll fuck someday!

Naruto: Excuse me? Did you just say you're going to fuck me?

Sasuke: Hahaha, well... don't mind that, it was just a figure of speech... hehehe, _*Points at the sky*_ look a giant floating marshmallow that looks like a cloud...

Naruto: _*Sigh*_ nevermind that, but we have to prepare ourselves, Sasuke, do you have a plan on fighting Shukaku?

Sasuke: Naruto get ready for battle, prepare our mobile suits for combat, contact headquarters, ask for back-ups, Naruto target enemy with the Positron Blaster Canon, XYZ coordinate of 34,12,78!

Naruto: uhmmm… Sasuke, this anime is not "Gundam".

Sasuke: _*Looks around*_ Oh yeah, sorry, my head is still messy…

Naruto: Then I have no choice, Summoning…

Sasuke: _*Raised an eyebrow*_ You can summon? You're trying to make me laugh right?

Naruto: Damn you, of course I can… Just you watch me do it, Summoning Jutsu!

Large cloud of smoke was formed; and then after that…

Naruto/Sasuke: What the!

Sasuke: Just as I thought, you are such a failure as a ninja Naruto… Why did I even trust you to do a single jutsu correctly?

Naruto: I was trying to summon a frog, but not this… and is this even part of our own anime series?

Sgt. Keroro: Kero? Where am I! Kero! I was at an anime shop and then, and then, where am I! Kero!

Sasuke: I guess I have no choice… _*Came running towards the frog while holding a Tennis racket*_ Snake Shot!

Sgt. Keroro: Kero! _*Flies to the sky until he cannot be seen anymore*_

Naruto: awesome! That was from Kaidoh of Prince of Tennis right, I like watching that anime… but Sasuke? Why did you choose Snake Shot, any reason for it?

Sasuke: Well, Uhmmm… Not at all, Im not planning to go to Orochimaru's side and become evil and be consumed by darkness and revenge in the future! Not all… Im just… uhmmm, a fan of Prince of Tennis as well… yup that's it… _*Points at something*_ Hey look, ants, Hello there little ants…

Naruto: Oh, ok then… _*Smiles*_

Shukaku: are the two of you really ninjas of the leaf? Or are all the Hidden Leaf Ninjas idiots like the two of you…

Naruto: Nope…

Shukaku: Oh I se-

Naruto: Hidden leaf ninjas are more of an idiot than the two of us…

Shukaku: _*Sweat Drop*_ Anyway… let's just end this, Im tired of listening from the two of you blabber pointless nonsense! Prepare to die!_ *Attacks by smashing his giant sand hand on the ground*_

Naruto: _*Jumps away*_ I got it, I know how to defeat Shukaku!

Sasuke: _*Jumps away_* Your plan are all stupid, you'll just kill the both of us dobe!

Naruto: No believe me this time! I swear!

Sasuke: The last time I believed in you, I almost got killed… So I won't believe you this time!

Naruto: Huh! When was that? _*Totally ignoring Shukaku's rage*_

Sasuke: Remember the Zabuza arc? The part where that freaking gender confusing Haku tried to kill me with needles? Yup, that was your fault…

Naruto: Oh yeah _*Ponders*_ hahaha, your life isn't that important, as long me, Naruto, the main hero of the series is alive, everything will be Ok…

Sasuke: _*Glares*_ you do realize that If I get killed here, 80% of the female audience of Naruto will stop watching this anime since most of them are my fangirls… Maybe I should just have my own Anime, called "Sasuke" and the second part would be called "Sasuke: Kasai no Kiroku"…

Naruto: Damn you, stop being so self-centered!

Sasuke: Fine, but still that plan of yours is too dangerous…

Naruto: Hmmm… you do have a point… but… listen to my plan first before complaining, this is awesome! It's gonna make you pee on your pants…

Sasuke: Well… _*Sigh*_ it's better than doing nothing… but if this plan includes me being hurt again, im gonna make you cum on your pants…

Naruto: What did you just say?

Sasuke: Don't mind it, it was a figure of speech... hahaha, yeah, nothing personal...

Naruto: Fine, fine… You know how Sakura of CardcaptorSakura caught the Sand card? We just need lots of Water and an Ice jutsu… see, my plan if fool proof…

Sasuke: Tsk, maybe you can as well wear those over the top exaggerated female outfit, just as I thought your plan was totally stupid...

Naruto: Why? My plan was definitely fool proof...

Sasuke: _*Facepalm*_ You're the fool here... Who among us can use Water Jutsu and Ice Jutsu? And just in case, I don't wanna be thrown in jail because of your Plagiarism…

Naruto: Darn it! I missed that part… I guess we are doomed now, Doom! I guess this is the final episode of "Naruto series" I was still suppose to be the Hokage someday! _*Cries*_

Sasuke:_ *Grin*_ Well, since this is the final episode and we are both gonna get killed and also since we are both _*Looks at Naruto*_ yup, you are a virgin right? So am I…

Naruto: _*Blush*_ What the! How did you know!

Sasuke: You look so stupid so I doubt anyone will fall for you; you are lucky I have a weird taste for lovers… so how about it? Let's give the fans some Sasunaru fanservice…

Naruto: No way! I-I don't wanna do it with a guy, especially not you!

Sasuke: Fine, let's both of us die as a virgin… Tsk, you are such a boring person! If we survive, one of this day… I am so gonna rape you on your sleep…

Sakura: Ca-can't bre-breathe! _*Everyone suddenly turned to look at Sakura*_

Sasuke: Oh shit! I forgot about that useless forehead girl… Nevermind, she was never of any use anyway…

Naruto: Yeah, she was always in the background shouting and worrying and crying… Let's leave her to die…

Sasuke: I know now! I finally know how to rescue ourselves… Let's leave that forehead girl and ran away, she can be the decoy…

Shukaku: _*Sweatdrop*_ Killing this morons will only be a humiliation, maybe if I pretend to be dead then they'd stop talking… _*Pretends to die_* Ughhh, ughhh, Im dying, and clearly this is not an acting, seriously, im dying, ahhhhh… _*Falls*_ And you win so go back to your village now… _*Closes eyes* *Opens again*_ And just to make sure, I am indeed dead now, so bye… _*Closes eyes*_

Naruto: We did it Sasuke, we beat the Shukaku, we're totally awesome Ninjas! I totally PWN a tailed beast!

Sasuke: Oh yeah, we're awesome, my fangirls will increase by 30%! Now Naruto we should head back to the village…

Naruto: Oh yeah! So we can help the others fight the Sand and Sound ninjas, right?

Sasuke: Uhmmm, actually, Im going to use my computer to check my fan mails… after killing Shukaku, Im sure I have lots of them by now…

The scene where Naruto and Sasuke decided to hop from trees to trees toward Konohagakure…

Sakura: D-Don't Leave me… someone sa-save me… _*Faints*_

Shukaku: _*Open eyes*_ Good there gone now… Finally, some peace and quiet… _*Suddenly heard something*_

Hidan: Fucking shit of a bitch, such a damnit asshole whore, Im so gonna send you to hell you fucking bunny! _*Raises his scythe*_ Prepare to meet your end you lousy c*ck sucking bastard bunny! Mwahahahaha… feel the wrath of lord Jashin!

Kakuzu: Hidan, do you mind shutting up? That bunny didn't do anything to you!

Hidan: But that fucking darn bunny whore was staring at me! I must kill it _*Sways his scythe*_ Darn, I missed, hey wait bunny! I'll give you some carrots… then I'll kill you, mwahahahaha!

Kakuzu: Why of all people did you become my partner? _*Suddenly shock from another voice*_

Shukaku: Akatsuki, mwahahaha, do you actually think you can fool me, I know you are collecting tailed beasts! Im telling you now, you can't defeat me!

Shizuku: Whoahhhh! A talking sand monster! Are there also fairies and pixies here in "Naruto"?

Shukaku: Hey wait! Isn't that from "HunterXHunter"? What the hell is she doing here?

Kakuzu: Shit, A tailed-beast… too bad we're doing something more important and evil…

Hidan: Yup, and to achieve that goal, Kakuzu here, borrowed Shizuku, she was perfect for this job… while me? The straight, not gay, not crazy, totally awesome, Hidan, borrowed Shalnark from "HunterXHunter".

Shukaku: And for what purpose?

Hidan: To be my personal sex slave… _*Silence*_ I mean, he was here to make sure that Shizuku is alright… _*Breathes deeply*_ I almost slipped my perfect plan there…

Shukaku: Im really getting annoyed now, this anime is "Naruto"! Why the hell are there other characters from other animes here!

Shalnark: Hahaha, that's easy it is because… _*opens phone*_

Shukaku: _*Waits* … … … *Waits patiently* … … … *few minutes had passed*_ The hell! Tell me or I'll flatten you!

Shalnark: Oh sorry! Got carried away playing tetris in my phone! Well, our boss, Kuroro, was a friend of Pain… that's there is all to it…

Shukaku: And what diabolical scheme are you planning that even the villains of other animes are here and you try to ignore catching me for the sake of that plan? So what is it?

Hidan: We're searching for buried treasures!

Shukaku: _*Sweatdrop*_

Hidan: You see, Shizuku's vacuum AKA washing machine, rice cooker, frying pan, electrical fan, television, well, in short, it's perfect for house keeping… anyway, that thing can also be a metal detector, so now we're searching for treasures since Akatsuki and Genei Ryodan are both insufficient in funds…

Kakuzu: And being the treasurer of Akatsuki, I was here to make sure we find something…

Shizuku: Guys, I think Deme-chan, caught something… _*Pulls something out of Deme-chan's mouth*_.

Shalnark: Yehey! A bunny, are we doing an easter hunt?

Hidan: Fuck! That Fucking whoring bitch bunny! This time I'll totally fucking kill you! _*Chases the bunny*_

Shukaku: _*Sigh*_ It's official the heroes and villains of "Naruto" are all lame, maybe I should just start my own anime series called "Gaara of the Sand"

And the ending where Shukaku returned to becoming Gaara and went back to the sand village, and where Hidan either chases the bunny or tries to flirt with Shalnark.

* * *

><p><strong>I know what you are thinking, that this is lame… but I really don't mind… I was bored, and because of the heat, I can't concentrate on updating my other fanfics… so I just decided to create something senseless to remove stress…<strong>


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